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I stretched out on the bed with All the King’s Men and my notebook and started reading. I had a hard time concentrating because my mind kept going back to what had happened and the ramifications. I had probably lost Kara and Jennifer both, and Bethany would certainly never agree to get back together. Stephanie had told me that doing this would mean she’d never make love with me. And yet, I’d done it. I tossed the book aside and simply lay on the bed, my mental anguish tearing me up inside.There was a knock at the door and I went to open it.“Hi, Steve,” Becky said.“Becky, I’m not going to be good company now. Just go, please.”“Shh. Your life isn’t over. I told you, just don’t tell anyone.”“It’s over. My relationships with Kara, Jennifer, and Bethany are ruined,” I said.She pushed past me into the room. I stood for a moment and shut the door, then leaned against it.“Didn’t you tell me that if you believed something, it made it true?” Becky asked. “You’re going to convince yourself that. I only know that when you used your mouth on me after the dinner party, I had difficulty not experiencing a high level of anxiety. It was dark, and my imagination supplied images from that night.’ ‘Oh God, I didn’t even think of that. We need to try to work on that. Maybe, if you feel up to it later, I can give you a blow job in the full light of day. And I’ll give you plenty of other images to make sure your mind is focused on me. What do you say?’ ‘I… I’m not optimistic about it,’ I answered. ‘But we can try, right? And if you get too uncomfortable, you can stop me at any point. I’ll listen.’ ‘Will you let me think about it?’ ‘That’s not one of your think-about-its that goes on for weeks and weeks, is it?’ I sighed. It probably would be, if it wasn’t Miranda I was dealing with. ******* While Miranda made no further mention that morning of her desire to attempt oral sex, she was more physically affectionate than usual that day. Frequent touches of her hand, standing closer.
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